First blog post

Beautiful Chaos

“A chaotic world
shattered dreams
broken promises
yet full of love
beauty and happiness πŸ’˜”

I love writing ever since, at the same time, due to busy schedules, adulting and personal reasons, I was not able to continue what I love the most – expressing myself through writing.

I’m planning to write my what nots when it comes to my experiences – happy moments with friends, nostalgic memories, my struggles or even heartbreaks. For me, writing is expressing my innermost thoughts while struggling (more like crying inside).

I am a person with dreams. I might say that i’m a pessimist, afraid of reaching my dreams because I don’t have the confidence in me but there’s one friend of mine who told me about “Law of Attraction” in real life. You just have to believe that you can achieve your goals, work hard for it and ofcourse, pray for it.

I love diverting my stress into eating. A lot. πŸ˜ƒ I love heavy meals. Literally.

I am an extrovert. I love adventure. Meeting different kinds of people. Going to a place that I haven’t visited yet.

I love taking pictures (sceneries, food, or even selfies hihi) I love capturing every moment. Moments to cherish.

I love watching movies and reading novels. John Green, Lang Leav, Danielle Steele are some of my favorite authors.

Omg I love PANDA!!! 🐼🐼🐼 I will be the happiest girl if I will be given the chance to see a live Panda bear. Omg i would die. I have a lot of Panda babies on my bed beside me right now while typing this πŸΌπŸ’Ÿ

I am a Christian not because of my family background but because of my own decision. Though I was born in a Christian family, I accepted the Jesus Christ as my Personal Lord and Saviour whole heartedly. (Regarding this, I miss going to church every Sunday and teach Sunday School. My life has changed a year ago when I changed job and environment πŸ’”)

Lastly, I love my family more than anyone like I could give up everything for them. Cheesy, ayt? Hihi

I am made of glitters and vanity but I believe that I am more like made of fangs and claws because duuuh? I am a wolf. Hahahaha I believe I am one of ’em πŸ’ͺπŸ˜ƒ

This is my first ever blog and looking forward to a productive year ahead. Here’s a selfie of my messy hair and a half smile made more adorable with Etude liptint. Cheers! 😊

Featured post

You Lift Me Up

Yes, you read it right. The title of this birthday entry is inspired by The Afters’ song “You lift me up” 😊

I decided to write an entry a day before my birthday because I just want to reflect on what happened for the past 24 years of my life. I am also excited of what will happen and wondering what life may throw at me.

According to the current song on my Spotify playlist,

“Waiting for the sunrise

Waiting for the day

Waiting for a sign

That I’m where you want me to be”

The lyrics are the perfect representation of my life right now. For the past 24 years and until now, I’m still asking questions such as “Why am I here, away from my family? What are the challenges I’m gonna face in this big city? What’s in it for me? What are God’s plans for me?”.

I’m still waiting. Waiting for His plan. I know that I will be turning 24 the next day and to be honest, I’m kinda afraid of the future but God is always reminding me that He is there, planning something beautiful for me. I know that His plans are way better than mine. I know that He will never ever leave me hanging.

And yes,

“You know my heart is heavy

And the hurt is deep

But when I feel like giving up

You’re reminding me

That we all fall down sometimes

But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak

Your arms wrap around me

Your love catches me so I’m letting go

You lift me up when I can’t see

Your heart is all that I need

Your love carries me so I’m letting go”

I can just type the whole song because it will just speak for me. It’s true. God knows how heavy my heart is right now. He knows that I want to give up. He definitely understands how painful it is to be alone in this chaotic world without any support from the people I grew up with, from the people I used to be with. God is always there wrapping me around His arms. Whispering something magical. Telling me to keep holding on because there’s always a rainbow after all the storms in my life. God knows how to calm my storms. I may fall down sometimes but God is my rock. He is my foundation.

“I know I’m not perfect

I know I make mistakes

I know that I have let you down

But you love me the same”

I don’t have the confidence but there are so many people who believe in me and I don’t want them to think that I’m only a disappointment. One of my goals maybe is to make the people I love proud of me. Proud of what I’ve become. Proud of what I’ve experienced so far. Through this platform, I am eager to unleash what I’m feeling. My story.

This is so heavy that I couldn’t breathe. The song is on repeat. I can’t even cry because it’s too painful that I’m getting used to it. With God, I know that I can endure anything. With Him, there’s a better tommorow. Someday, I can fully understand the true meaning of my life. I can then experience what God has prepared for me. I know that I am not alone because God is walking with me thru this journey.

Cheers to 24, self!!! Be strong and be the person God wants you to be 🌸

P.S.

Take time to watch the official music video of The Afters’ Lift Me Up. The song that inspired me to write this entry. Godbless 😊

5 rules to survive life’s shenanigans this 2019 πŸŒΈ

New year, new life? Or not. Forget all your unfulfilled new year’s resolutions. Time to stay away from bandwagon and make your own rules to follow.

Wait, uhm have you ever made some rules for yourself? Like you have to bring each rule along with you every single day and write it on a sticker note and place it at your office desk so that you can be reminded that “hey girl, stop being stupid, read and follow me”.

Rules are important to avoid chaos, to live life with happiness. Rules are made of sugar and spice, either you deal with it or break it.

For 23 years, you’d prolly call me a liar if I say that I follow all the rules. There are a lotta rules in my life. Starting from the food I eat, the places I go, the people I spend my time with, the practices I share with the youth, the dress code at the office, the words that I utter. Everything!!!

Let me share my personal rules that will definitely help me this 2019 because New Year’s Reso is too mainstream πŸ˜”

IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY!!!

Have you heard the song “The Great Pretender”? If not, well, uhm I’m not forcing you to listen to it. I remember when my friend called me “The Great Pretender” because I am good at faking my emotions. I can smile and laugh and pretend that everything’s okay when the truth is everything’s not falling into their proper places anymore.

I tend to ignore my feelings and focus to something more important – my job. I can go to work without making everyone notice my froggy eyes from crying before sleep. I can start and end my shift without telling anyone how hard it is to live in a big city, alone. My biggest lie everyday would be “I’m fine, I’m doing great” but God knows how broken I am.

I am really good at faking emotions and I could be a top performer but I realized that it is really okay not to fake my smile. It is okay to ignore everyone when I don’t feel like talking to them. It is really not necessary for me to laugh when the truth is I really want to burst out. You can cry, get angry, be alone in your room, you can be silent for the whole day. Your true friends will understand what you’re going through. You just have to trust the right channel, the right people whom you can share your innermost thoughts. After all, you can talk to God and pour everything out if your cup is full. He will be a good listener in a chaotic world.

(Photo credit: Pinterest)

Yes, it is okay not to be okay but you have to set a deadline. You have to get out from your situation and live your life again.

LEARN TO REMOVE TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

Imagine yourself as a plant growing in a beautiful garden. The gardener is always making sure that you can grow healthy so that you can bring happiness to him but some people may throw some trash, some weeds that may cause your “plant-life” miserable.

God plays the gardener’s role, a big part of the story. For you to be pleasing in God’s eyes, you have to remove some weeds in your life – the toxic and unnecessary people in your life whom you cannot trust, those who bring you down. When you remove them from your life, you can be the person that God wants you to be.

(Photo credit: Pinterest)

I was once like a glue to everyone that I meet. I can be easily attached and I tend to treasure every person in my life to the point that I was really afraid to let him/her go. One of my friends told me that there are seasonal friends and there are friends that will stay forever (this friend is included on my “will-stay-forever” friends lol). There was one chapter in my life that I can never forget. The “please-let-him-go-he-is-not-worth-it” chapter.

God opened my eyes and I started to identify those people who are not worth my time and energy. For me to grow like a healthy plant in a garden, God (as a gardener) removed those weeds (toxic people) around me. After what happened, someone told me that I look happier. That was the best compliment I have ever heard from someone. 😌

BE A GOAL DIGGER

Do you have a bucketlist? If none, then what are you waiting for? Start creating one. Now. List all the things- may it be small or big that you want to achieve before reaching to a certain period of time. Do everything to make these things happen. Invest your time and focus on your goals. Last year, I created my own bucketlist.

Bucketlist before turning 25

  1. Ear piercings βœ” (I have 3 as of the moment) πŸ˜‚πŸ’ͺ
  2. Get a tattoo
  3. Buy my own laptop
  4. Out of the country
  5. The list goes on and I’m turning 24 this year and I’m pressured lol

I know some of us has trust issues but trust me. Trust me. It will make you feel better. You’ll feel like you have this freedom in you. Be a goal digger. No matter what happens, do not ever give up unless you finish your bucketlist. Don’t just FOLLOW your dreams fellas, CHASE them!!!

DO NOT LET OTHERS DEFINE YOUR IDENTITY

Working for a financial institution, I am aware of some scammers that would steal your identity. You have to choose the right platform that you can trust so that everything will be safe. As a human being in this world full of pretentious bitches, you have to choose your friends. Friends that know you best. Friends whom you can trust. Friends that will stay no matter what the world may throw at you.

Words can be painful. Words from others can destroy your self esteem but always remember that no one can ever define who you are. God shaped you and as a Creator, he accepts you no matter how impecfect you are.

Remember that your self-worth is not defined by how other people treat you.

(Photo credit: Pinterest)

No matter what happens, people who love you will accept your flaws. God will always consider you as His child. Do not let others bring you down. You are your own diamond. Let the light shine upon you.

STAND ON YOUR OWN FEET

I know that this rule may sound cliche to y’all but who can ever forget classics, right? I have realized that no one will save me from crying at 3am inside the bathroom floor but myself. No one will drag me to the hospital and accept some needles and medicines but myself. I need to stand on my own feet because for me to survice life’s shits, I need to deal with it alone.

How to be happy? Do not expect a goddamn thing from anyone. You need to be independent. I know that adulting 101 sucks, really but you need to experience whatever shit this life may throw at you. You need to be strong enough to handle rough situations. Like what I have mentioned above, it’s okay not to be okay, it’s okay to cry but do not give up. Everything will be okay. You just have to endure all the pain this world may offer because at the end of the day, God is not finished with you yet. There’s more to come. He is just preparing each and every single one of us to a bigger responsibility. I know that you can do it. Let’s journey together. Aja!!! πŸ’ͺ

β“”β“’β““ 🌸

An open letter to my bestfriend πŸŒΈ

Hi.

I know that I’m such a “pain-in-the-ass-but-you-do-not-have-a-choice” kind of person to you, always. I am thankful to have someone whom I can always lean on, someone I can share my innermost thoughts and someone who can understand my shortcomings. I thank God that He created the word “bestfriend” πŸ’—

Just like what I posted as a caption on my IG post a year ago, “I may have a lotta friends but you will always be my one and only bestfriend”. This may sound cliche but it’s genuine.

Sorry for all the things I’ve done that may offended you in some ways. Sorry for all the times that I missed or for the moments I wasted.

Things are not at their proper places right now but I know that you understand what I’m going through. I know that you will always be there for me, thru highs and lows, thru thick and thin.

I’m happy that you finally found someone whom you can be happy with. I may not the bestfriend that you want to share things with but please know that I will always be your #2 supporter (ofcrs, your mom will always be your #1 fan).

I am proud of what you have become. You have my 100% assurance that our friendship will degrade all the other friendships out there.

This year, may God grant all the desires of your heart. Please be happy. Always.

β“”β“’β““ 🌸β™₯

The Melted Candle

It’s been 6 months.

My hands are shaking right now while writing these words. I don’t know how to express my thoughts but I think, I’m ready. I’m ready to let go. I’m ready to say goodbye. I have been diverting my attention for the past 6 months. I tried not to remember everything. It is painful, to be honest. I can still feel the pain of losing someone you love. I can still remember how I absorbed every single story that everyone told me about you, on how you fought for your life and how tired you were on that evening. I tried my best to go home, to be with you for the very last time. God knew how painful it was for me when they told me about your situation. I even tried to cancel my plans but then again, God’s plans are way better than mine.

I cried. A bucket. A river. I didn’t know what to feel, how to embrace it. I didn’t know how to react because I was not expecting it. The last time I saw you, it was Christmas. You were happy to see me. I forgot to take a photo of you because I thought I could see you again. But, I was wrong. Twas the last time.

I wish I could walk down the aisle during my wedding someday with you witnessing it but I guess, it will never happen. I know that losing someone is not easy but I did not know the feeling until I felt it, until I experienced it last May when everyone bid farewell to you.

I have regrets. I could have given you the best of the world. I could have visited you at the hospital. I could have shared my happiness with you.

For the past 6 months, I’ve been praying if you can appear in one of my dreams. I just want to see how happy you are right now because that’s for certain. I know you are happy right above there. I know you are safe in God’s hands. You can no longer feel sadness and pain. You can now dance and sing your heart out.

I am grateful. Thank you for being one of my inspirations why I am working hard. Thankyou because you have witnessed my growth. Thank you for being so patient to me. For being so supportive. For doing all the works for me. For keeping me safe.

Sorry for everything. Sorry if I let you down. Sorry if it’s too late. Sorry for being sorry right now. Please be happy and please hug Him for me.

You will be remembered. You taught me how to accept things and to let go. You reminded me that God’s idea of pain is actually the best for us. Thankyou for being a great part of my life, Lolo! πŸ’—

β“”β“’β““ 🌸β™₯

Appreciation Post #1: Silence Marie πŸ”₯

Disclaimer:

I decided to write an entry for her not because I really wanted to but she told me to do so. Hahaha kiddin’ πŸ˜‚ on a serious note, she is def for keeps. We’ve been friends since highschool so she really deserves an entry. Ahem, where do I start? *drum rolls* *prepares tissue*

THROWBACK TO HIGHSCHOOL HYPEBEAST DAYS

Highschool will always be the best part of every student’s life πŸ’œ

Xylnz Reb Almalbis is one of my “risk-worthy” friends. We’ve known each other for almost 11 years and believe it or not, I’ve shared all my shenanigans to her. I sometimes wonder if she’s really willing to listen to my dramas. Well, does she have a choice? Ofcourse, naaah!!! She’s also an erica shayne loyalist πŸ‘Œ

TB friggin H, we were not that close during our highschool days because ofcourse we had different set of friends before, different preferences and I guess I was just too busy exerting effort to someone. I should not drop the name though.

Dear self, might as well remember how she supported you when you fell inlove the first time with this guy that I’m talking about. Boo hoo!!! πŸ”ͺ *plays What you mean to me by Sterling Knight*

*i don’t know how to continue this blog anymore lol πŸ˜‚*

FAST FORWARD TO COLLEGE YEARS

We both attended the same school. Since we are loyalists of our dear Alma Mater, we still chose FCU to be our home for another 4 annoying years. I studied Finance, meanwhile, she studied Marketing. (I know she did not even regret her major while I am still asking myself why the heck I studied Finance πŸ˜‘)

Again, we had different cliques. Nevertheless, we were still friends during college. I can still remember how I hacked her IG account and bombarded her feed with my videos together with my bestfriend, Daniel. Here’s a screenshot of our unauthorized access of the account way back 2014 πŸ˜‚

Uuugh writing this blog makes me wanna cry. Hashtag nostalgia. Look at those jejemon bangs!!! πŸ˜‘

Anyhoo, here are some crazy things that we’ve shared together that made us even closer.

HIGHSCHOOL MUSICAL 1, 2 AND 3

Who loved playing Sharpay Evans during their sophomore convocation in HS? Ofcrs, me!!! I played Sharpay. My ex played my brother Ryan and my bestfriend played Troy. Goodness gracious. Twas my first ever annoying role before I entered the world of Declamation. Funny. I am really not sure if Silence Marie was supportive to me during that time or what, idk really. Hahahaha but I can still remember the first time I stayed at her crib over the night. Ofcourse, we had HSM marathon. We even did karaoke and I sung “You are the music in me”. I remember how I ruined the lyrics and the rhythm because I’m a pro HSM. Duuh? Disney baby here.

Here is a creepy screen shot of my first sleepover at her crib where I sung an HSM song. I cannot post the exact video because I still have my reputation to keep πŸ˜‚

We’re all in this together, Munch. Thankyou so much for being one of my “for keeps highschool friends”. HSM will always have a special place in our hearts β™₯

Note:

I would love to include 1 Direction but I’m still bitter because of the fckin disbandment so let’s take it from here. Lol. After all, Zayn who? Charot πŸ˜‚

ALDUB

Ofcourse, who would forget this era? Hahahaha.

She actually bought Alden’s book and magazine, Kalyeserye’s magazine as well. Ofcrs, I borrowed it. We can stay all day at her crib watching Kalyeserye, laughing our hearts out and tbh with you guys, I miss those days.

I miss going to their crib, how her parents would welcome me as their own daughter and making her feel as the adopted one. I miss how her mom would take care of me like she would really buy a pack of monggo bread for me because she knows it’s my fckin fave. I miss everything especially how Silence Marie would take a nap while I’m still watching beside her. Spell talkshit. Hahahahaha πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

TEEN WOLF

Hi. Ofcourse, it’s me. The banshee.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. The real Lydia Martin is shaking right now. πŸ˜†

This is actually the first time I saw Silence Marie cried because of a series. I can still remember how I stayed at her crib til morning just to finish the episodes. I even called myself “Mrs. McCall” πŸ‘Œ

(Yaaaas. My favorite Alpha πŸ”₯)

We were wolves during those days and I miss being one lol. Scott, Allison, Lydia, Jackson, Stiles, Malia, Kira (I hated her the most though) and the rest of the pack are still parts of our lives, full moon or not. Awoooo!!!

(Forever Season one fanatic πŸ’ͺ)

There’s no such thing as fate. There’s no such thing as werewolves πŸ˜”

Nostalgia strikes everyone. I think I’m gon watch it again like the 7 seasons again!!!

I can still feel my blood flowing thru my veins when Allison had an argument with Scott.

Allison: I do not want you to be normal. I want you to be alive.

Ugggh all the feels. Okay, nuff said because it is not an appreciation post for Teen Wolf πŸ˜‚

RUNNING MAN

Aaaand who will forget this variety show that has no dull moments. Literally a jaw drop while rofl show. I cannot remember if how Silence introduced me to this show but here are the main reasons I started watching it.

  • I was on the verge of giving up to life’s shenanigans and Running Man was God’s instrument in making me happy again
  • Song Jong Ki’s one of the original casts

This show was heaven sent because tis the only show wherein Silence never slept on it like literally. She stayed with me from 11pm to 7am just to watch the first episodes of this variety show.

All episodes with Song Jong Ki are my favorite episodes ofcourse. Hahahaha leave me alone πŸ’ͺπŸ˜‚

iKON

Ok ok. Breathe in breathe out. I’m ready. So, uhm here we go. Wait. Hahahaha okay game!!!

This friendship era is my favorite because we got closer like long distance relationship kind of being close. We are like a plane away but she managed to convert me from being an anti kpop to an ultimate desperate fangirl lol. I even ate my words hardcore. Literally. No wonder I gained weight.

Here are the screenshots of my pabonism when I neglected iKON and promised to be a Blink forever but it turned out that I’m no longer a Blink but a full time iKONIC now. Not an akgae anymore because I started to love the boys whole heartedly. Hahahaha disclaimer? Yunhyeong’s still my bias forever and always. πŸ’—

N

Hahahaha. I cannot with myself. Nuff said. Ugh. Ladies and gents… Allow me to introduce… iKON!!!

*cries in hangul 😭*

So I started stanning this male group basically because of her. I actually mentioned this on my previous blog entry. She attended the first ever iKONIC GRANDEST PARTY in MNL last November 11, 2018 wherein she made me her PA. That bitch. Hahahaha here are some proofs of my loyalty πŸ’—

At the hotel front desk 😑

And look how my fresh face turned to a haggard one because I even picked her up after the concert πŸ˜‘

Before the con

After….

HAHAHAHAHA SEE???!!!

Nevertheless, I did not even regret because I had fun seeing her happy. I even asked her a lotta times if she’s happy. She said… Yes. Ofcrs!!! πŸ’—

I don’t know about you guys but my HS friends will always be forever in my heart. Distance can make the heart grow fonder.

SHE FOR KEEPS, REALLY πŸ’—

We had a videocall on my birthday last April 10th. She’s also being supportive on how desperate I am with Yunhyeong πŸ’—πŸ˜­ Take a look…

HAHAHAHAHA SEE? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜›

I know that’s kinda mainstream to write an appreciation post for a friend but Xylnz and I have so much to share. Yes, she’s not my bestfriend but she’s a family. I’m her adopted sister right? Whether she likes it or not. Lol.

And I am literally crying right now because iKON songs are playing on my Spotify playlist and everything’s just feel so heartwarming just like our friendship like she’s always there for me. I wish I could return the favor but I am a fckin plane away from her. I owe her my addictions and like what she said, she basically shaped my life like how dare you silence marie lol πŸ”ͺ

So that’s it. I have learned about our friendship that no matter where life takes us, (nothing can break us apart? Lol more like HSM thang) but seriously, it doesn’t matter if you cannot communicate everyday. What matters most is you will always be there for your friend, thru thick and thin, highs and lows. Like even you haven’t seen each other for a decade or two, you both still can share the same stories over and over just like the old times. Please keep your chosen HS friends. Lol in my case, I have like 6 left (Rovin, Jessica, Daniel, Yancy and Popoy including her ofcourse do I have a choice? Lol) πŸ’—

β“”β“’β““ 🌸β™₯

dΓ©tourner: how iKON captured my anti-KPOP heart πŸŒΈ

dΓ©tourner – french word for “divert” πŸ‘Œ

Annyeong!!! 🐰

Let me share how iKON changed my perspective when it comes to stanning KPOP stars *cries in hangul while I reminisce the very first day they captured my heart*

Lately, my problematic self is binge watching korean variety shows and iKON contents again after 3 months of hiatus. Let’s have a lil throwback…

It was around December last year when my friends introduced me to this male group. Tbh? I refused to listen to their music a lotta times but my two KPOP fanatic friends were so persistent in converting me, geez I gave in. My music genre is different, way way different. I’m interested in all types of Rock Music. But KPOP? Hell no. Well, that was before. I ate my words, right?

I was once a Song Yunyheong akgae (someone who only stans one member and bashes the rest of the group) because why not? Okay okay. I have to be very honest. The main reason I instantly liked Yunhyeong when he was first introduced to me…. *drum roll* His birthday is also my ex’s birthday. Lol that’s it and Yunhyeong is two months older then me. A tru blu oppa indeed! 😍

So to make the verryyyyyyyy long fangirling story short, I watched their two survival shows. I literally cried a river because of their friendship, struggles, pain and everything. I won’t talk too much regarding the two shows because remembering the moments makes my heart break into pieces again.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TiJp680Wy1A

I accepted the rest of them but it took like months to love them all but Yunhyeong will always be my bias. Well, idk. Maybe I just wanted to divert my attention during that time that’s why I exerted time and effort for them. Goodness gracious, I even created a fan twitter account for Yunhyeong and for the rest of the boys.

I even changed my lipbalm preference because Yunhyeong endorses a lipbalm product. I know, i know. He has kissable lips. I get it.

So many shits had happened and I totally neglected their existence. I have made decisions that turned into regrets. I even watched KDRAMAS and replaced Yunhyeong with Nam Joohyuk *crazy thoughts all over my veins* but… During their concert here last November 11th, everything fell into their places. Okayfine, I was not able to witness the grandest iKONIC party ever but that made me realize how fangirling is difficult at my age lol.

Things are chill lately and God knows how thankful I am to have iKON in my depressing life. My boys are doing great in making me the happiest when watching them and laughing at their dork faces. I now understand why my KPOP fanatic friends are having body tremors when talking about the groups that they stan.

I swear to every samgyupsal stores and korean masks to meet the boys in person without any hassle. A motivation, maybe? After all, I’m not that too old to seize my fangirling life. Guys, hell-o? 23 is the new 15. I just love them so much and no one can ever replace them. No one can ever replace Song Yunhyeong’s aka Song Homie πŸ˜‚β™₯

Saranghaeyo, iKON. Neoleul deo saranghae, Song Yunhyeong β™₯

Dating a Christian guy πŸ’•

“God will never break your heart. He will never cheat. He will never break His promises”

Hi to all the Christian guys I’ve loved before. I’m pretty sure Lara Jean Song Covey is shaking right now. Haha kidding.

This entry is not for me. It is not about how stupid I am to give my heart to someone or whatnot.

This is for you, girl. Yes for you. Always remember that you are loved. You are precious. You deserve everything in this world because you are a princess and your Father is indeed the King of all kings. You are God’s daughter so please do not settle for less.

I remember when one of my mentors told me not to fall in love during parties or escapades or during work. She told me to fall in love inside the church. Why? Because if you give your heart to someone who loves Jesus more, you will never regret.

A “Christian guy” has always been my standard. He has to be a member of Praise Team or Dance for Christ or even a Small Group Leader or a Sunday School Teacher. He has to read his Bible or apply his life verse in his everyday living. He must know what John 3:16 means. He must have the marks of Jesus Christ.

Yes. He must be a real “Christian” not just because He publicly declared his faith throuh baptism, not just because he is active in church, not just because he knows how to play an intrument or dance to Young and Free and Planetshakers.

He has to be more than that. You know what I mean? Like he’s going to love you and treat you right because he loves Jesus so much so he is willing to do everything just to make the Lord happy. Of course, treating a girl right makes the Lord happy.

Do not lower your standards. Do not let the gem inside you that God planted years ago lose its shine just because you gave your heart to a wrong person who doesn’t deserve your tears. Please choose the one who can make you happy because God is the center of your partnership. Please do not find happiness. Find joy. More genuine and everlasting. After all, God is enough. He will always satisfy your hunger and thirst. No one could ever do that. No one can sacrifice His life on the cross for you. Only Jesus.

Please prioritize Him because I assure you that everything will follow. Love Him first because He will direct you to someone who’s really meant for you. Someone that He designed just for you and when that time comes, you will never beg because that someone will stay with you. True love waits. Don’t rush things. God is preparing the both of you so that you can be the best versions of yourselves. He is still using the both of you for His glory. It’s not always a YES but God will give you the BEST!!!

β“”β“’β““ β™₯🌸

coeur brisΓ© πŸ’”

You were my alarm clock every five in the afternoon
But now, I am trying to wake up on my own

You used to call me over the phone like everyday
We had arguments in our own crazy way
But now, I deleted your number and blocked you, maybe forever

You were my favorite pillow
It felt good to be with you
Now, I am trying to sleep at night without thinking of you
But I have to admit that I miss everything about you

You’re like a hot coffee in my afternoon light
Or a cold vanilla frappe in my breezy mountain sight
This means that we cannot be
Because I can feel the pain of our bittersweet two am memory

I used to love fixing your things, your mess
Even if you let me settle for less
You were my sunshine, you made me smile
But now, I am trying to be distant for awhile

Praying to God that you’ll be happy
I forgive you because that’s the way it should be
But I won’t forget all the lies and the games that you’ve played
Thankyou for swallowing all the words that you’ve said.

β“”β“’β““πŸŒΈβ™₯

Let Go and Let God β˜

Why do I have to settle for less when I know that God’s plan is the best?

These past few days, I tend to ignore the answer because I am scared to let go. I am afraid to let go of the things that make me happy. I want to believe that everything will fall into their proper places without realizing that God has a better plan for me.

I pretend to be strong. I can start and end my shift pretending to be okay, not telling anyone (even God) how painful it is to live. I fake my emotions everyday because I know that crying won’t help me reach my goals. Being a weakling right now is not the best solution.

I seek my happiness in different ways – from being with the wrong person to diverting my attention to anything that the world can offer. I’m getting used to these things to the point that I’m scared of letting them go.

I gave my heart to someone until he broke it into pieces – he broke me. He chose to hurt me. I broke down.

I then realized that brokenness is a must so that God can use me for His glory.

I spent my time to wordly things – watching morbid series, drinking with friends, wasting money to useless things and many more. I know that pampering myself is also important but because of this, I forgot how to pray deeply. I forgot how to have a quality and intimate time with the Lord. I forgot how to share my innermost thoughts to Him. I forgot that He’s there, waiting for me to embrace His words and His presence.

Today, August 5, 2018. Sunday. I remind myself to let go and let God. Let go of the things that broke me into pieces. Let go of someone who’s not willing to accept me for who I am.

I need to let go my burdens, my pain, my struggles, my cries and let God intervene.

Let God do His magic upon my life. I need to trust Him for He is the author of my life story. Truly, I need to let go of unnecessary things and toxic people so that I can feel Jesus in my life again.

Our life is like a plant growing in a garden. If you want to grow, if you want to be healthy spiritually and emotionally, some things are meant to be removed. You have to let go of the weeds in your life so that you can fulfill God’s perfect and pleasing will for you. Do not settle for less. God has a better plan for you. Let go and let God. ☝

β“”β“’β““ β™₯🌸

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